Nick Neercassel Conquers the Universalists

Dessert as Theology

Were we rushing toward our doom?

Hi,there. I'm Nick Neercassel,Theological Private Eye (TPE), i.e., I work for the Emperor of the Enigmatic Empire. The pay is abysmally low, the hours are out of this world (literally), but somehow there must be a reason for it all.

"I'm thirsty." Dala said almost nonchalantly. "It's obvious I'm no longer needed at the helm. What good is it being a pilot when someone else is in control? How about a beer, Nick?" I nodded yes then she looked at Prof. Zukuni. He nodded back also.

She grabbed three Polygamy Porters (its motto was or should have been, 'Bet you can't drink just one!') from the fridge. We drank in silence and sure enough that motto was on the money.

We discussed our options. Dala said, "If we land in one piece, I say we jump whoever comes through the door. We might as well go down fighting."

Prof. replied, "After attempting to fill out the IRS forms, that approach sounds tempting."

My TPE training told me something different. "I think we should see what they have to offer."

Dala started to reply but suddenly we came screeching to a halt. Wherever the tractor beam was taking us, we were there.

The tension in the air was palpable as we waited anxiously for someone or some thing to come busting through the door. But nothing happened so I asked Prof. Zukuni, "Hey, Prof., what can you tell me about this Rene' the Relentless guy?"

"Well, Wick,..."

"It's Nick."

"Well, Nick, in a previous life Rene' went by the name of Shony Allsurethinger."

Yet another Allsurethinger! Just how many were there?

"So what made him change his name?"

"Aztec Publishing Concern. His two brothers, Sony and Stony, worked for APC, but Shony not only had a head of hair, he also had his own ambitions. He wanted to start his own cult."

Dala handed us another Polygamy Porter. I replied to Prof, "I'm guessing he was somewhat relentless in his pursuit of developing his own cult. Hence the nickname. What did he call his cult?"

"Apple Pie Trinitarian Universalists."

I took a sip of Polygamy then asked, "What was his angle or tri-angle, so to speak?"

"While growing up, Sony, Stony, and Shony ate a lot of apple pies. They were very competitive triplets and were always on the lookout for one getting advantage over the other two. Each pie had to be cut in three perfectly same size portions. So when each piece was expressed as a fraction you had exactly 1/3. Yet even though each was identical in size, there were not identical in content. One might have more sugar, while one might have more apple, while one might have more crust."

"Just as the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost were the same yet different. But aren't all those finite comparisons?"

"Good point, Bick..."

"It's Nick."

"Yes, Nick, but when Shony realized that each piece's size could also be written as a decimal he saw something entirely different because written as decimal each piece goes on forever..."

I interrupted Prof. Z, "But yet all three pieces even when going on forever served one purpose."

Prof. Z beamed, "That's right! And what does it all mean?"

"God is a Decimal when He's not a Fraction and vice versa."

THE END