Nick Neercassel: Theofiction

Road Chatter

I had given Jaime Marco, my new literary agent, my celestial cell phone number. A couple of weeks had passed since we met at the Big Rock on Texas Farm Road 21124 and I was expecting the call.

"Nick here."

"Hello Nick, it's Jaime."

"What you got for me?" I was hoping he would get straight to the point. I could get in trouble with the guys upstairs if my celestial was tied up for too long.

"Texalina Press is interested in publishing your next book." Hmm, Texalina Press. Fairly well-known and somewhat prestigious firm. I think they were located in Pascagoula, Mississippi.

"Sounds good. What are the terms?"

"Well, there's a bit of a complication." Oh, oh. Why are there always complications?

"Like what?"

"Well, they're saying theological non-fiction is not that popular right now among the reading public. Theological fiction or theofiction as they like to call it is the hot button item on the current reading menu. They think there might be a little too much verisimilitude in your stories and wonder if you could spice them up a little."

"No way! I tell like it is and like it was."

"Now Nick, as your trusted literary agent, I wouldn't be doing 'ALL' (heh, heh, get the joke?) I could to make you successful if I didn't try to convince you that theofiction is the wave of the future as well as the particle of the present. Take for instance, Geofredo Derzen."

"Geofredo who?"

"Derzen, the most popular theofiction writer, as well as most gregarious Bible Scholar, of the current eon." Jaime still tended every once in a while to use Aztec Publishing Concern terminology.

"What's he written?"

"Many, many big sellers. His latest series is 'While Also Thinking About God'."

"Name some of his titles." In all my years I had never heard of this Derzen fellow.

"OK, how about 'How to Stay Free of Investigation by the Feds While Smoking a Havana Cigar and While Also Thinking About God'?"

"Never heard of it."

"Then there's 'The Really Bad Thing about Being Dumb While Also Thinking About God' and it's sequel, 'Geofredo Derzen Goes to the Outhouse While Also Thinking About God'."

The last one sounded familiar.

"And then there's his latest big seller: 'The First Idiot to Write a Book ...'."

"'While Also Thinking about God.'" I finished the title for him. Now that one struck a chord. Some friends in Goodsite had mentioned they had read it and had highly recommended it.

Looks like I had some deciding to do. Is it possible that Nick Neercassel, Theological Private (TPE), i.e., I work for God, where the pay is sub-standard, the hours are never-ending, but the post-season is a blast, could become a successful writer of theofiction?

Only time would tell.

THE END