A Cautionary Tail

WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

Zendo was an unusual dog. He could not only wag his tail sideways but he could also wag it up and down. Over the years his master had used Zendo's tail as a sounding board (sideways meant no while up and down meant yes) when a big decision needed to be made. Such a time was now but before Zendo wags his tail let's go back a ways and see what has brought us to this point.

Zendo's master had worked for a branch of the Federal government for almost nine years. It wasn't a very rewarding job but it was a safe and secure one with benefits and if he could make it twenty years he would have a pension that would mean a steady income for the rest of his life. Since Zendo's master also had a wife and three kids, he knew it was incumbent upon him to keep the job no matter the inner leanings of his heart. But yet, something was calling him to throw it all away. A few years before, on a whim, he had started publishing a newsletter. This newsletter  was sort of religious but not religious in the way most of us think as religious. It was highly irreverent, written with humor and insight, and included winsome illustrations by the author himself. In honor of his faithful companion, he had entitled the newsletter 'A Cautionary Tail.'

Now the newsletter had reached a 500 strong subscriber list and Zendo's master had begun thinking to himself: if every subscriber averages $100 in donations per year that would mean $50,000 in income! Of course, the fact that most of the subscribers sent in no money at all did not seem to register in Zendo's master's brain. He just knew somehow that if he quit his job and threw himself wholeheartedly into the newsletter, big, big things would happen. Heck, the subscriber list would probably then grow into the thousands and there would be plenty of money to take care of the wife and kids. They could travel all over the United States where he could give uplifting, insightful, and inspirational talks to his legion of loyal subscribers. And the kids would be well taken care of; their education opportunities unlimited. Yes, they would be one big happy family. 

Such a wonderful idea. Then Zendo's master opened his eyes and received a positive heavenly communication. He didn't think so at the time but now we know better.

Zendo was wagging his tail sideways.

THE END

Double Oh! Heaven

As it turned out, the lady on the phone was Mrs. Shagah herself. She had no clue on the whereabouts of Myrtle but she did tell me where Mr. Shagah was currently located. He was in Hollywood meeting with some producers who wanted him to star in a series of movies about a secret agent who worked directly for God. She even showed me part of the correspondence that outlined the proposed projects:

'LICENSE TO SIN' Thrill to the exploits of Agent Oh! Oh! Heaven as he battles the forces of Relative Evil with deprecating (both self and otherwise) humor, biting wit, and confirmational bias. But it won’t be easy as his foe, Churches R Us, doesn’t plan to go down without a fight.

'NEVER SAY FOREVER AGAIN' Double Oh! Heaven travels back in time to early 17th century England where he manages to infiltrate His Majesty’s Secret Translation Service. An argument ensues, and Double Oh! shouts at the scholars ‘You’re just not outspoken enough!’ Double Oh! had been insisting the word eonian should replace the word forever in the upcoming Bible they were translating but the scholars were sure heads would roll if that happened because King James preferred the word forever. Later, in the story, Double Oh! meets Will Shakespeare and comments how he likes the way Will uses fate in his plays.

'DIAMONDS ARE EONIAN' In this terse, tense, and taut tertiary thriller Double Oh! Heaven is on a mission to prove that diamonds are not forever but no one is buying it. Even the scholars at the Aztec Publishing Concern are reluctant to agree with Double Oh!’s assertion. As one Tappdancer says, ‘Relatively speaking, diamonds are forever even if absolutely they are not.”

'LIVE AND LET DIE IN THE LAKE OF FIRE' In this other worldly spectacular Double Oh! Heaven visits the Lake of Fire and discovers that it’s not quite the way he thought it was. ‘Where’s the Fire?” he asks the False Prophet upon which the False Prophet replies, ‘Oh, we don’t light the fire until supper time.’

'TOMORROW HAS ALREADY HAPPENED' Is the future set in stone? Double Oh!’s latest assignment is to go there and find out. While there he meets and falls in love with a female spy and it turns out his next movie was to be “THE SPY WHO LOVED ME IN THE FUTURE” but it had to be canceled because when it was found out the future was set in stone tomorrow became yesterday and no movie named “THE SPY WHO LOVED ME IN THE FUTURE” had been scheduled to be made in the past.

“Wow. Do you think they might need a TPE to play a part? We work for God too.”

Mrs. Shagah raised an eyebrow and replied, “I’ll let Mr. Shagah’s agent know.” She then continued, “It’s a shame he had to go to Hollywood at this point in time because we were just on the verge of releasing a new product.”

“Oh, that so? What is it?”

“It’s called Shagah Plus. It’s Shagah for men with more than one wife.”

THE END

The Path of Higher Math

I'm thinking about two apparently antinomial verses, both utterances by Jesus in the Book of John. 1) "I and the Father are One" and 2) "The Father is Greater than I". The answer perhaps lies in the concept of an x/y coordinate grid, i.e. vertical/horizontal; this grid goes out in all directions. The grid is God but the only visible part is where x meets y. Around two thousand years ago x met y on Earth in Jesus, the form of the visible God. When Jesus moved on earth (horizontal) He was representing God in His entirety ("are one"); when Jesus appealed to the Heavens (vertical) He was acknowledging His limitations as well as recognizing the vastness of the invisible part of the grid.